November 2

Things are grey right now.  I have a dog who is not at all demonstrative which bothers me more than it should.


I have a dear friend in California who is having medical problems.  I am trying to figure out how to go see her while seeing her is still an option.


I also have a husband with medical issues for whom I cannot care.  We separated several years ago.  To the best of my knowledge, he has since stopped the behavior which was the reason for my leaving.  However, he has since joined an outlaw motorcycle club.


This is a huge issue to me.  I cannot be around this kind of crap.


Meanwhile, he has stage 5 kidney disease and will soon begin dialysis, which requires minor surgery and then a month of almost constant dialysis (in home) before it becomes something that must just be done every night.


I cannot be there.  I have so many times over the years given in, given up, just plain given to him.  I cannot be there.


So, I will, as next of kin, go to his doctor's appointments with him.  I will go to dialysis training with him.  I will be there for his surgery.


So will his "friend" who will be in my house taking care of him.


I feel like Eeyore and the Saggy Baggy Elephant had a child and I am it.