My blog has evidently become a place for me to write those things too lengthy to fit in a facebook status. I was blogsurfing today. One of the blogs I read belongs to a woman I started reading because she, like me, is a dog person. She is younger than I, married, with two children. Her oldest child, who, two years ago committed suicide in her driveway during a family argument by shooting himself in the head, would have turned 23 today.
I cannot, thank God, imagine her pain.
She said today, in her blog, that she wished to God it had been her and not him. She uses her blog, which used to chronicle her life, her kids' lives and her dogs' lives, to pour out sorrow, anger, guilt, and self-recrimination.
I wonder at what point grief becomes selfishness? I am not judging her. Truly, I am not. She does, however have a husband and a younger child who love her, are with her, hold her when she cries, and grieve with her and, I am sure, need her. I wonder how they feel when they read that she would rather be dead than be with them. I pray for her. I pray for her husband. I pray for her sons, both of them.
It is so hard, though, to write another supportive comment when I just want to tell her to quit being so selfish and to cherish the love that still surrounds her, that has always surrounded her.
So, please, pray for my friend and her family and pray for me, too.