Tuesday, July 31, 2012

How I am today

I have forgotten.  I have forgotten how to write complete sentences.  I have forgotten to share my life with my friends who live in the internet.  I have forgotten to look at the bright side of life.  I have forgotten how to be Pollyanna.  Time to regroup.

I miss my dogs.  My dogs live with my husband because they are too old to have to adapt to change AND my landlord won't let me have them.  I see them occasionally but not as often as I should.  I did help take them to the vet last week for their shots - all their regular vaccines and rattlesnake vaccine and their nails clipped. This would be why the inside of my pickup is upholstered in dog hair.  Duck had to be lifted into the pickup and Holly needed her arse hoisted.  They are getting old.  They were, however, VERY good at the vets and got their nails clipped, too.  The bright spot of this story is that my vet (and vet tech) love me.  All three dogs, all three shots and nails, all for $120  God knew what He was doing when He landed myself in this town all those years ago.

The bright side?  My daughter can walk in my house without taking an allergy pill.  I no longer am covered in dog hair.  I am not normally the one who has to sit with Bonnie while she eats so that the big dogs don't steal her food.

I think living without my dogs is sort of like dieting.  This is going to sound harsh but I don't know how else to explain it.  I quit smoking, cold turkey, in 1990.  I quit drinking when I started driving a semi.  I am good at quitting things.  I can't just quit eating.  I have to eat correctly, to eat less, to eat better food.  I think that if the dogs died, I could grieve.  I would grieve.  I would fall apart...and then it would be over.  Now, I just don't get to be such an everyday part of their life that they can just ignore me.  I am now a reason for barking and leaping (that would be Bonnie) and lots and lots of touching and licking.  Then I leave and I am sad...and it is never over.

Wow, I am sure am glad I decided to resurrect Pollyanna!

Anyway, this is how I am today.

1 comment:

Sayre said...

Change is hard. Even when it's good change, it's hard. I would miss my dogs if they weren't here - but I know that one day they won't. Not much to be done about it but to enjoy them however often you can.

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