Now I know

Grey's Anatomy tonight was very interesting and thought provoking. One of the storylines involved a terminally ill woman who, according to the Washington state law portrayed in the series, wanted to avail herself of "Medically Assisted Suicide". This involved, again according to the series, the patient verbally requesting this assistance twice at least 15 days apart and 2 doctors agreeing to this course of action. Her primary physician would then write her a prescription for barbiturates which she could take at her own discretion.

My grandson was in and out of the room because another storyline involved one of the doctors having flashbacks to his time in a MASH unit. My grandson is fascinated by all things military.

I took advantage of one of the times he was present to ask him, regarding the first storyline, what was wrong with it. He immediately told me that it was all backwards. This led into a discussion of the fact that, no matter what your motivation, taking your own life is denying God the chance to work miracles. It is not our job to question God's timeline. Moose absolutely understood all of this and agreed with me and, not coincidentally, with our Church.

As he went to take his shower, it struck me forcefully how true this is in my life. My first husband died when I was 20, he was 25, and our daughter was 4 months old.

I later remarried and had my second child who is Moose's mother. I have always understood, intellectually, that if Steven had lived, I would not have had Julie. I would probably have had another child, but it would not have been Julie. To say that I would have missed her is an understatement.

But tonight, I was brought to my knees by the knowledge that, had Steven not died, had I not had Julie, Moose would not exist. Moose would not exist. Just typing that sentence has brought me to tears once again.

We discuss, in my 5th grade catechism class, the fact that God absolutely intends for each of us to be right here, right now. Once again, I intellectually KNOW all of these things. I just didn't know them until tonight.

Now I know.